Revising and Editing

Did you get it?

Test yourself on the concepts discussed in the video above using the self-grading quiz questions below.

When revising, which of the following questions should you ask? Choose all that apply.

When editing, which of the following questions should you ask? Choose all that apply.

Analyze Some Examples

We want to give you examples of students' writing processes so you can see what they look like. Read the situation; then, read each example and answer the questions that follow it.

The Situation

Dr. Downey asked his class to write about the following topic: McDonalds has been an Olympic sponsor for many years, including the 2010 Winter Games in Canada. The theme of that year's campaign was “Eat like an Olympian.” This theme was criticized for sending the wrong message to children about the nutritional value of McDonalds' food, especially since Olympic athletes typically follow strict diets (no hamburgers and fries) when they are training. A nation-wide student group is considering a letter-writing campaign asking McDonalds to step down as an Olympic sponsor. Do you think McDonalds should step down?

Petra's Response to the Writing Situation from Professor Downey

The Golden Arches have become a symbol of American cuisine—everyone through the world loves McDonalds food. There are limits, however, to how far McDonalds should go in its advertising. McDonalds should not be allowed to sponsor any more Olympic games after its 2010 advertising campaign because it falsely connected its food to athletes' diet and because it sends the wrong message to children during the obesity epidemic.     When McDonalds uses the slogan “Eat like an Olympian” in its advertisements, it is misleading the public, and therefore the company should not be an Olympic sponsor. McDonalds is known for its fast food—hamburgers, chicken nuggets, and French fries. These are not the kinds of healthy foods training athletes eat. While they may indulge sometimes, the phrase 'Eat like an Olympian' also makes it seem like McDonalds food is something they eat regularly. Nobody can maintain their health with a diet of hamburgers and French fries. Finally, Olympians are regarded as heroes—children and adults idolize them. To associate them with fast food creates a phony connection that can confuse people into thinking fast food is great, and it's what great people eat.    A big part of the confusion of McDonalds with athleticism will be from children, which is especially alarming, given the current obesity epidemic. It is clear that obesity has become a major problem among children in part because of their unhealthy diets. Fast food contributes to those unhealthy diets. When McDonalds says it has the food of Olympians, it makes McDonalds food sound less unhealthy than it actually is, particularly to children, who have little to no knowledge of the nutritional value of their meals. Children make nutritional choices based on the kind of emotional factors the Olympic sponsorship creates instead of making them based on nutritional value. McDonalds should be especially aware of this and should not sponsor the Olympics if there is a possibility that they will use slogans like they did in 2010.     It simply does not make any sense for restaurant known for its fast food to not only sponsor the Olympics, but to claim that athletes eat its food, as though it's a staple of their diet. McDonalds has misled the public, especially children who are vulnerable and subject to high rates of obesity, long enough.

Questions about Perta's Response to the Writing Situation from Dr. Downey

If Petra is in the revision stage, why has she probably highlighted her thesis statement and topic sentences?

Do Petra's topic sentences support her thesis statement? Why?

Pierre's Response to the Writing Situation from Professor Downey

McDonalds is a corporation almost anyone can recognize, whether it's for their food or their charitable work. This multi-national corporation has been an Olympic sponsor for decades and is responsible for the development of the Olympic Village, where athletes from all over the world live and work comfortably during the games. McDonalds should continue to be an olympic sponsor because there is nothing wrong with the “Eat like an Olympian” campaign; it's not McDonalds job to police what people eat, and there are perfectly healthy options available at the restaurant.   McDonalds can and should us its billions of dollars to sponsor the Olympics and can use slogans like “Eat like an Olympian” because it is not responsible for people's choices. Olympians can and do eat foods like the ones offered at McDonalds; they probably do it in moderation, and they exercise. It is okay for even a world-class athlete to have a hamburger French fries or even ice cream once in a while. Fast food is dangerous only to people who eat too much of it or eat it too regularly, and these people need to change their habits. McDonalds is not responsible for how they choose to eat.  Even if folks do choose McDonalds for their meal, there are healthy options on their menu, so McDonalds should be an Olympic sponsor. Because of federal laws, McDonalds puts nutritional information on their menus and packaging so people know the nutritional value of what they are eating. If they are concerned about calories, they can choose a salad, wraps, or diet sodas instead of other, more fattening menu items. McDonalds even points out lower-calorie items and smaller-portioned items on its menu. This could be said to actually encourage customers to pick healthier options. McDonalds has also recently redone their kids meals, making them healthier. They now offer a vegetable or apple alternative to French fries, and a skim milk alternative to soda. Again, it seems like McDonalds is actually encouraging healthier eating, so it actually should be an Olympic sponsor.       It's okay for McDonalds to sponsor the Olympics.

Questions about Pierre's Response to the Writing Situation from Dr. Downey

Pierre has mostly highlighted grammar issues in his essay.

Pierre should add the following to at least one of his sentences.

Pierre might make which of the following edits to his last paragraph.